The Great Canadian Identity Crisis
by Narukokun
Summary: If he wanted to be noticed,be heard,be seen,be praised,be known,he would have to do something he had never done before. Of course these things never went as planned. Canada x Everyone PolandxLiet Not a Canada Snaps story.
1. Chapter 1

The Great Canadian Identity Crisis

Chapter 1

"I'm sick of this shit!" Matthew slammed his fist on the large round table, yelling out his frustration. No one seemed to notice. And that was exactly the problem. For years, centuries, Canada had gone unnoticed, unheard and unseen. Sure, he had gotten used to it and treasured the moments when a few countries did recognize him. France had been his only friend for a long time, having raised him and putting a lot of cultural influence into him before he was handed off to the British ass hole who spent all his time denying his love obsession with America. Oh yes, Matthew knew Arthur had it bad for Alfred. That idiot brother of his was as clueless as ever, the British influence and terrible food rotting any intelligent part of his brain away to nothing, (not to mention his severe lack of taste buds too). With all the time Arthur focused on America, Canada was left alone, left to foster himself and form his own country in plain view of the former British Empire. He never noticed, not once. Matthew had even absorbed most of the English influence into his country instead of adopting his own like Alfred did. He used the metric system, kept excellent English pubs, hell he even still worshiped the Queen and kept her face on all his money, and even now, in the 21st century, things were no different. Canada had become the second largest country in the world, and if Russia kept on shrinking, soon he would be first. His lands were vast, beautiful and fruitful. He did well in the economy even when everyone else was failing around him. Even thought the weather was harsh in both extremes, and the population was small, Matthew still prospered. He was a peace keeping country but never failed to jump into the war, even before Alfred would come rushing in to be a 'hero'. He helped others. He never wronged anyone. He did his very best to keep peace and spread happiness and free health care across his land. Yet, no one said anything. No one remembered his influence in the war, his efforts even greater than his southern neighbour. No one ever said 'Thank you Canada for insulin, the telephone, basketball and zippers.' No one saw him as a threat. In fact, rarely any one saw him at all these days.

That would have to change.

The world meeting was in full force, Ludwig doing his best to present his side of the current debate while Alfred continued to interrupt with protests of boredom and hunger, which only earn a rebuttal from Arthur telling him to shut up or some insult about his weight. Nothing ever seemed to get done. Matthew was sick of it, sick of sitting down for hours just to watch an immature shouting match between the world's super powers. All the while, there were actually some countries with real input, real solutions to today's greatest problems. When the yelling and throwing of burnt scones finished for a while, someone would speak, many agreed and Alfred would make sure his opinion was known, to which Arthur would soon began the rotation from sanity to madness again.

Matthew had an opinion too, but whenever he tried to speak during these moments of silence, someone would always steal away the spotlight. He had thought that maybe it was because of his quiet voice and that the others just didn't hear him start up so they themselves would take his place. His remedy of bringing a microphone to the last meeting was a failure. It wasn't because no one heard him, it was because they couldn't, or maybe they just didn't ever acknowledge his presence in the first place, and he was just an empty chair to them, (which explains why he had been sat on so many times buy a certain soviet country).

As the shouting match actually seemed to turn into a potential fist fight, Matthew's already closed fist tightened and trembled with rage. Kumajiro, who was sleeping peacefully in his lap, was abruptly woken up when Canada stood and screamed.

"WILL YOU TWO JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND SIT DOWN ALREADY!" With that he picked his chair up and flung it across the room. It smashed into the wall, breaking into a few pieces. This rash action finally caught everyone's attention. They all stared at Matthew, and he normally would have blushed and hid himself from shame, but his fierce anger kept him standing tall. Alfred was the first to speak.

"AHHHH OH MY GAWD OH MY GAWD! DID YOU ALL SEE THAT? IT'S A POLTERGEIST! A GHOST! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Alfred was terrified, and all his hyped up fear spread to some of the other nations too, gripping both Italy's, Japan, Finland and the Baltic's. Latvia, trembling as usual, seemed more scared of Alfred's remarks then of Ivan. America had long fled the room as did the others. The rest slowly filed out, the common thought that 'there was no way the meeting would continue now' floating around in light chatter.

Matthew just stood still, face blank, eyes watering slightly. Kumajiro, unhappy with being woken up then thrown to the floor, was knawing on his ankle, but Matthew didn't care. In his most violent outburst and coincidentally only ever public outburst, not one single person had taken notice of the northern nation.

Well, that wasn't true.

In the aftermath of Alfred's little scene, one country sat calming in his chair. Francis.

"You are unsettled, no?"

"Very." At Least Francis had always been there.

"Come, mon cheri, lets calm you down and get you somewhere quiet."

"No thank you." Even in this serious situation, Matthew fine manners did not let up. "Come on Kumajiro. We're leaving." The bear unhitched his jaw from his mastered leg, looked up questioningly as he was picked up, asking that same question he had spoken so many times before.

"Who?" Canada glared back, nothing but anger behind his stare.

"You know damn well who I am." He spoke quietly but the message came across as threatening. Francis didn't move. He knew how to deal with Matthew when he got like this. The best thing to do was to leave him alone to cool off on his own. He would bounce back sooner or later, and then maybe Francis could take him out to dinner, give him the reassuring talk like he always did whenever Matthew got upset. However he got the feeling dinner might not be enough his time.

Matthew left the meeting room, slowly making his way out of the conference centre, spotting the various nations all taking a break in the lobby. Alfred was huddled in a corner and sure enough Arthur was there trying to coo him back to his normal flamboyant and arrogant self. Ludwig appeared to be doing the same with Feliciano, and Antonio with Romano. To them it seemed that a chair had picked itself up and flew across the room, breaking upon contact with the wall. Only one person had seen it was being picked up and thrown by a very pissed off nation.

Matthew knew that staying for the rest of the meeting was pointless. He exited the building, flagging down a taxi to bring him to the airport. He hadn't any bags with him since the meeting was only in New York. He could get from there to his home easily in a couple of hours on a commercial flight. Strangely enough, getting a taxi had always been easier then speaking at a meeting, something the Canadian never understood. Once inside, the driver revved the engine and the small yellow vehicle was on its way to the airport.

His ability to hail taxi's more easily than any other task also applied at airports. Getting tickets and being allowed a polar bear in first class on just about any flight was a simple task. There were even some occasions where the female staff had flirted with him. It was times like this Matthew was glad to be noticed, glad that no one forgot to bring him coffee and glad that a pretty girl had taken the time to wink at him.

Once home in his downtown Ottawa apartment across from the parliament buildings, he changed out of his suit, took a shower and threw on a robe. He just wanted to sleep. There had never been a time he had gotten so angry before. The only exception might have been the three hour rant that reduced his brother to tears, but even then, this anger had been for a whole different reason.

Matthew did not get truly angry often. He didn't like the general feeling of the emotion and tried to avoid it at all costs. But when it came down to it, he knew what had to happen if he didn't want his outbursts to continue. If he wanted to be noticed, be heard, be seen, be praised, be known, he would have to do something he had never done before.

He, Matthew Williams, Canada, would have to go to war.


	2. Chapter 2

The Great Canadian Identity Crisis

Chapter 2

Matthew had been in war before. Lots of war's in fact: World War One and Two, Desert Strom, The Cold War, Korean, Gulf, Afghanistan, Iraq and many Civil wars. Even before Canada was really a full fledged country like he was now there was even the war of 1812. He always tried to think that the war was necessary to 'keep the peace'. That's what he liked to think but there was no stopping the nightmares that always came after a great battle.

What Canada was about to do, was indeed something that he had not ever done before. He was going to initiate a war.

Well not a whole war, maybe just a 'battle for freedom'. But there was no beating around the bush anymore. If no one saw any of Matthew's vocal efforts to become heard, it was time he took a physical approach. The main problems with this was the fact that Matthew simply had never invaded a country for his own gain before. He didn't plan on hurting or _killing _anyone. Far from it. All he had to do was prove that his might and bravery was something to be noticed and acknowledged. Thus came another question.

Which country was Canada going to invade?

With his current geographical situation, all he could do was cross into America or open sea. And there was no way, no way in hell, he could invade his own brother. For one thing, he could blow his ass to Kingdom Come faster than Wang Yao could build a china town. If he trekked through Alaska, he could make it over to Russia, but the same metaphor applied to Ivan as well, and he wouldn't even hesitate because of brotherly love.

It had to be a country where there wouldn't be any powerful allies nearby that could kick his ass and really start another full-fledged war. Anywhere in North America was out of the question, and if he really wanted to make an impact, it would have to be somewhere in Europe, so news would quickly spread, but not a country that would be getting help from anyone dangerous. Italy was a weakling but he didn't want Germany on his ass. Latvia was pretty weak too but then again there was the threat of Ivan. He did have a lot of his people living there after all. However there was one place he might be able to manage invading.

Poland.

Feliks was turning into a sissy. He had military might at one point but now it just seemed like he was more concerned with his pony ranch and painting his house a variety of bright pastel colors. And if Poland needed help, Toris would be there in a flash, and Matthew was pretty sure he could take Toris on if needed. Poland had been invaded by so many other countries in the past, Matthew figured that there must be something he at least could do.

There was still much planning to be done, and when he woke up the next day, he paid a visit to the prime minister, telling him of his plan. The saddest part of this venture was that Matthew couldn't even see his PM. The country had to do something. Fast.

Ever since Matthew realized that sometimes his invisibility could be used in a good way, (like getting back his brother for all the trouble he caused him by embarrassing him at meetings), he spent many years training his troops to do the same. Now he had an elite force of invisible soldiers and it was time to put them to the test.

The trip over the Atlantic was quiet, many of the troops having trouble figuring out where everyone was sitting. Besides the fumbling around and shouts of 'get off me' and 'you stepped on my foot', Matthew, his skills allowing him to see them all, rearranged them and prepped them on the mission.

"Alright boys, we are not going to shoot or kill anyone. If you need to, hit with the butt of your gun but please try to remember that this is a mission so we can be noticed, not to inflict pain."

"I-I hear the voice but I don't know where it's coming from…"

"Dude your stepping on my foot again!"

"Shit I can't find my gun."

Matthew sighed. He guessed it was a good thing that this wasn't going to be a serious shoot-em-up mission.

Once the plane was over Feliks house, it was time to descend. "Alright guys, once you get down there, surround the perimeter. Remember we aren't here to hurt anyone. I'll head inside and start the negotiations, and if it gets ugly, you know what to do."

A resounding agreement rang out and the first of the men jumped out of the plane. It wasn't long before the invisible barrier was set up around Felik's bright pink house.

"Feliks, I've come to invade your vital regions!" Canada didn't take the time to politely knock, but simply burst into the door.

"Liet! FINALLY! I've like been totally waiting forever for you to say th…oh you're not Liet…well come on in Alfred, I'll show you the totally cute pony I bought the other day.

"I'M CANADA DAMMIT…wait you can see me?" Canada was puzzled; this was really not what was supposed to happen.

"Duh of course I can. Sorry I totally didn't mean to like call you by your bro's name. You'll forgive me won't you Matthew?" At this point, Feliks made his famous puppy dog face (usually reserved for Toris), and started whining in a high pitched voice. Matthew did not, in a million years, see this coming. Now what was he suppose to do?

"So like what's up Matt? You should have like called if you were gonna visit, I could have put on something nicer." Feliks lead him into his living room, the troops outside the house all but forgotten (not that Feliks could see them anyway). Matthew followed. Since now it seemed like he might be able to talk it out with Feliks, maybe he could come up with a different plan.

"Ummm…really? You can really see me?" Matthew still didn't believe it. Why now, of all times, did his invisibility have to fade just when he was trying to invade another country?

"Like how many times do I have to tell you Matt? I can totally see you right now." Feliks looked him up and down to emphasise his point.

"B-but how? No one ever…" Matthew was almost beside himself. It was rare for him to have other nations remember his name and continue a conversation with him for longer than a second.

"I always noticed you. There were times when you like totally looked exactly like your brother but I knew it was you cause you always had such better fashion sense. Now, what's up?" Feliks sat down on his lime green sofa, motioning for Matthew to sit across from him.

"Well…lately I've been getting a little stressed from the general lack of attention. I know it usually didn't bother me before, but if you remember my stunt from that last meeting…well now you can see that it does. I know that it's pathetic to whine for attention but my case has always been different and it's beginning to make me really pissed off." Matthew spewed his heart out for Feliks, somehow trusting him immediately upon knowing that he was with someone who could see him and actually wanted to talk to him.

"Ugh I totally know what you mean. I've been like hinting to Liet forever and the boy just doesn't get it. I mean, he went on a date with Natasha the other day and came back with both his arms broken. Like totally shattered. He said it was the best 10 minutes of his life. Like seriously? What the hell?" Feliks was fuming. Matthew could guess there was some unrequited love issues' going on between Toris and Feliks, but now was not the time to butt into Feliks' love life.

"Yes, well I was trying to think of some way to gain a little ground, maybe doing something bold and out of character so people would have no choice but to take notice. The plan was to…well...umm…"Matthew was interrupted before he could finish.

"Say no more Matt I totally know what to do." Feliks look proud all of a sudden, like he had created some master plan out of thin air.

"Y-you do?"

"Yup. I totally know what were gonna do. We're gonna tell everyone that you like, invaded and totally took over my place, but you know not really. You can like totally stay here; it will be like a sleepover." Feliks was starting to get excited. It had been a while since Toris had come to stay over and with Matthew here, maybe he could braid his hair or they could give each other manicures.

"That…actually sounds like a really good idea. But won't Toris try to help you if he thinks you're being taken over?"

"Naah I'll make sure Liet is in on it. He is like totally clueless with love but he's a super nice guy. Hey, maybe you could even 'invade his vital regions' too!"

"Ahahaha…" It was a nervous laugh. "N-no that's okay, one should be enough to start." Toris was independent from Russia now, but there wasn't anything stopping Ivan's strange obsession with the Baltic State. Even in the present day, Matthew wanted to stay as far away from any chance to encounter Ivan's military strength.

"Ok so it's like totally set, you'll sleep over at my place for the next little bit and I'll totally spread the rumour that you invaded my house and stuff. I'll give Liet a call so he like doesn't freak out, and then I'll totally do your hair."

"Thank you Feliks, this is more than anything I could have ever imagined." There was a short pause. "What about my hair now?"

"Well if it's a sleepover we like totally have to do sleepover stuff. Don't worry, I'll show you later." Feliks was already reaching for the phone. Matthew took this time to run outside again, telling his troops that the mission was 'sort of successful' and that they could return home. When the perimeter was cleared and the group making their way home, Matthew returned inside to walk in on Feliks telephone conversation.

"No No for the third time, I'm totally okay. Just be cool and pretend like it's really happening ok? I'm trying to do a good deed here and your totally not gonna ruin it. What do you mean, who's Matthew? You know? Canada? Like Alfred's totally cute brother? Geez Liet…" It wasn't nice to eavesdrop, so Matthew went out the back door, remembering something about Feliks mentioning ponies.

Not long after he noticed the stable in the back yard and the strangest neighing sound he had ever heard. He caught sight of the ponies and even though they sounded utterly creepy, Matthew couldn't help but think they were adorable.

Feliks, after reassuring Toris that everything was going to be fine, and that he trusted Matthew not to do anything 'weird', found Matthew in his backyard, his collection of ponies surrounding him as he pet each one and cooed.

"This is gonna be so totally fun."

The next day, Matthew woke up in an unfamiliar bed. He tried to piece together what happened the night before and scratched his head in thought. His usual wavy locks however weren't as wavy as they should have been. He looked to the side, facing the mirror on the wall.

Braids.

This was going to be interesting.

_This started as a serious like world war 3 fic with Canada totally owning everyone but I got a better idea. I'm better writing humour anyway. And no I don't plan on pairing Canada with Poland. Poland can only ever be with Liet in my mind. - Author_


	3. Chapter 3

The Great Canadian Identity Crisis

Chapter 3

These were very awkward times for Matthew. The last time he had a sleepover was when his brother sucked him into a ploy of coming over to watch a Saturday night movie. At first the offer was unexpected and rather pleasant so Matthew didn't think to much about it when he got to Alfred's house and saw the pillow fort already prepared on the couch. It also didn't bother him when he found out the movie they were watching was a horror movie. Only when Alfred gripped his hand like a women in labour and belted out screams and whimpers for the following 2 hours did he learn that maybe it was a bad idea to come over. Of course other countries had all experience that same treatment but no one thought to warn him since they could never see him. But Matthew endured. He was a good brother after all, well tempered and such, so he would suck it up for now. Although there was a 97.5% chance he would never be able to use his left hand again. He was feeling lucky.

Of course, when the movie was over and Alfred was reduced to a blithering ball of American stupidity, Matthew assumed the worse was over. The 'sleeping' part had yet to begin.

Needless to say, Matthew avoid Alfred like the plague on movie nights, and when he couldn't he would make up a lame excuse so he wouldn't have to come over.

However, the sleepover at Feliks' house was much more entertaining then he could have imagined. He spent the night talking with Feliks about everything and doing all the things that you would expect at a normal sleepover for 13 year old girls. Which wasn't as strange as it sounded. Matthew's nails never looked better.

After upbraiding his hair and grooming it back to it's usual wavy style, he descended the staircase and headed tot he kitchen. Getting Europe's attention on him was important but breakfast ranked number one in the Canadian's mind. And something smelled good. And familiar.

"No..it couldn't be..." Matthew stared wide eyed into the kitchen at the sight before him. Feliks had awoke before him, donned an apron and had prepared him breakfast. A Canadian breakfast. Pancakes with real Canadian maple syrup, bacon, eggs and fresh squeezed orange juice with lightly buttered toast. Matthew almost didn't notice he had begun to drool.

"Ah mornin' Mattie. I, like, made you some breakfast from your home. I worked super hard so eat it all." Feliks almost seemed to scold him.

"You don't have to tell me twice! Thanks a ton Feliks. I really didn't expected something so grand." As he sat down and tucked into the first stack of pancakes, Feliks laughed and began to clean up.

"So how to you plan to go about getting everyone else to notice you. I mean, its not like you can just change your style or something." Matthew still hadn't thought about it. There wasn't any way he was actually going to invade anyone else. Or was he.

Invading a country physically with a army was almost the same as invading a country with your body. The whole incident with Prussia and Austria proved how easy it was to get the two confused.

So maybe Canada didn't have to invade any one country to be noticed. All he needed to do was invade the person themselves. Get in their minds, solidified himself in their memories, and ravish their bodies so their would come crawling back for more. He had the experience to do it, after all, the famous french pervert was his father. This would be easy.

Now the real fun would begin.


End file.
